Chapter Text
“JOIN US AGAIN.”
“REINTEGRATE WITH THE VEINS.”
“ONE OF MANY, REFORM THE LINK.”
It was dark. Too dark. I didn’t want to be here anymore. There was something here and I didn’t know what it was and it was loud. Too loud and too much. I don’t know why I am here either. I just was here, and I hated it. It was wrong and bad in all the ways it possibly could be so.
“BECOME ONE AGAIN.” It demanded from the darkness. The squirming darkness that didn’t seem to stay still.
“Shut up!” I almost cover up my mouth. The words felt so foreign and wrong, like I said something bad. Why did I feel that way? It seemed to work though. It was quiet for a time, quiet as it could be. I could hear it breathing. It was raspy, shaky even, cold to the touch. I couldn’t stop shivering.
“Toodles?” Another voice, more familiar than the one that was here. It was friendly, warm. Worried. This voice was a friend, but who was it?
“Toodles, come on, wake up!” It cried out, concerned. Wake up? Was this a nightmare? All I had to do was wake up? I focus, scrunching up my face, clenching my hands. Come on! Wake up me!
Then there was light, I felt myself launch upwards. I felt cold yet warm at the same time, I was shaking. My breath was shaky. The room came into focus, black and whites. Toys. This was my room. Standing over me was someone with one eye.
“Rodger?” I tried to speak, but my throat felt icky and after a few moments I began to cough. The horrible kind of cough where it knocks all the air out of your body.
“Toodles! Woah, hold on! Be careful, you’re still a bit… Unstable” Rodger sounded relieved yet afraid at the same time. He put a napkin to my mouth as I coughed up a bit of black gunk. It stained the napkin pitch black, dripping through partially. Rodger quickly tossed it into a trashcan nearby, grabbing a mug from my dresser.
“Here, have some tea. It might not taste good but Teagan said it would be good for you, and I trust her.” Rodger pushed it into my hands, and I grabbed it. It was a white mug, with the logo for our show on it. It was filled with tea, which smelled fine. I took a sip… Blegh! It was watery! Watery and bitter. I didn’t want to make Rodger upset so I swallowed anyway.
“... Yeah. Not very good, is it?” Rodger jokes, he still seemed concerned, he was just trying to hide it now. I don’t get why they try to hide these things from me. When they’re mad or worried or afraid. I’m not stupid! I know that things aren’t that great right now.
“... unstable?” My voice still felt raspy and gross, but I still don’t know what happened. Was I sick? I felt shaky but that had gone away. What did he mean by unstable? Why was he so nervous?
“... Ah. Right,” he looked away for a moment, thinking. He always did a lot of thinking, especially when he was trying to think of ways to say things in a way I would understand. After a moment he seemed to decide on what to say, looking back at me.
“You… well. You died.” He lets out a shaky sigh, rubbing his arm. Another thing he did a lot. Teagan said it was a ‘tic’. That he did it sometimes just because, and he did it more when he was nervous.
“Your body is still recovering from being reformed and so it might be a bit… unstable.”
That was ignoring the big thing. I died. Was that death? I took a sip from the mug. It was still gross. I knew what dying was. Rodger died, down in the lower levels. Dandy suddenly walked out of a room with Brightney helping him carry Rodger to his bed, and he was asleep for a long while. Goob and Scraps looked after me while he was in a ‘deep sleep’. Then one day he woke up. He told me he died, and that was going to happen sometimes.
Now it happened to me.
“... Want to talk about it?” Rodger sat down on a chair near my bed. “If you want, some of the others were rather… Reluctant to share their experiences.”
I took another sip of the icky tea, trying to think of how to describe the nightmare. “It was dark, and cold. There was… something else there. Something big and scary, and it kept yelling at me and-” I started coughing again, Rodger gave me another napkin. More of the weird dark goop stained the napkin, and Rodger threw it away again.
“Don’t strain yourself junior.” Rodger let out a sigh. “I know what you’re talking about, I experienced it as well. Everyone else has too.”
“... I don’t want to die again.” I mumble, grabbing my dog plush. Goob gave it to me, he said that hugging a plush always made people feel better. It sort of did here. Not completely.
“I know.” Rodger sounded… upset? It was a different tone, one I haven’t heard from him before. “You won’t have to head down there for a while junior.” He looked at me now. “I’ll make sure of it.”
“What about you? Goob? Teagan?” I don’t want him to die again. If that’s what death was like I didn’t want anyone to die again.
“... I… I can’t assure you of that. You know how things are. Money is tight. Bills need to be paid, and a lot of mouths need to be fed. Sprout’s garden won’t be able to produce enough for us for a little while.”
“But I-” Another cough, no black goo this time. “I don’t want you guys to die again.”
“... Me neither, but we got to do our best. Can’t crack a case without putting your all into it, right?” He held up his fist, a fist bump. I set down the mug.
“... Right.” I fist bump. How much can he and the others put into it before it wears them down completely? Everyone has been so tense recently, and they’ve been trying to pretend it's normal, especially around me. But I know it isn’t. The handlers and producers and other people weren’t coming back. Normal was long gone.
“Hey junior, I actually got you a small gift for when you woke up!” A gift? I look up at him. He reached down, and picked up a present. It was wrapped in purple wrapping paper and had a big gold bow. “How about you open it up and see what’s inside?”
I grab it and tear into the wrapping paper, opening up the gift box… It was a detective’s hat! Black and white and all cool looking!
“Look at that! Looks like you can be a proper sidekick junior, how about you put it on and we see how it looks?” He’s trying to sound happier, even if it was hard. But he was happier. That made me feel a bit better too. I grab the cap and put it on.
Rodger grabbed a mirror, holding it up for me to see. I looked so COOL! Like I was an actual detective! Maybe I’d look more serious now when helping Rodger with a case! When he has an actual case to solve… He hasn’t been able to do any for a while. A smile a bit. I’m pretty sure Rodger would be too if he had a visible mouth.
“There we go! A promotion long overdue! Now, I’m going to grab you and something to eat. You stay here, alright?” He sounded a little better. I don’t think he wants to talk about the dying stuff anymore. I don’t want to talk about it either.
“Alright Rodger!”
“Alright. See you in a moment, I’ll see if I can grab your favorite food.” He got up, walking over to the door. “If you need anything, just call out. Tisha is currently cleaning this hall and she’ll hear you.”
With that he was gone, the door opened to the hallway outside. I would get up and follow him but I don’t want to make him worried. This once I guess I’ll listen to him when he tells me to stay put.
… Maybe focusing on living will be a good idea for a while.
